A practical guide
Intergenerational Discipleship Friends
How to pair younger and older adults for eight weeks of Scripture-based, two-way discipleship: a reproducible playbook from Wes & Judy Wick.
From the founders · ~8 min read
Sometimes discipling friendships outside our peer group happen spontaneously. But adding intentionality and prayer is key to our call to “Go and make disciples,” engaging more people in relationships that can make a profound difference.
We’re Wes and Judy Wick, and we serve as the “bridge” between the young adults and legacy adults in our own church. What follows is the playbook we’ve used to launch discipleship friendships that pair the generations: eight weeks at a time. Use it, adapt it, and watch for what the Lord does.
Lay the groundwork
Start with your pastor’s blessing.
Don’t attempt this without buy-in from your lead pastor and key leaders. You’re not devaluing peer relationships; you’re adding generation-to-generation discipleship that’s often missing in American churches.
Designate a “bridge.”
Choose a leader or couple engaged with both older and younger adults. (We’re that couple in our church.) Without regular contact in both spheres, good intentions rarely get traction. Initiative has to come from both age groups, not just warm feelings toward the idea.
Start with adults.
Intergenerational ministry is broader than older and younger adults, but pairing with young adults can be an easier first step. Reaching under-18s adds an extra protective layer of screening, parental permission and meeting-venue arrangements— definitely worth pursuing, and doable with an eager children's ministry staff, but likely more challenging for an initial launch. The one-on-one pairings and weekly face-to-face meetups outlined here are certainly not the only way to facilitate meaningful, intergenerational connections with children (or younger adults!).
Talk it up in both realms.
Look for chances to present the idea in both settings. One memorable night for us: 9:30 p.m. with the Asian American Christian Fellowship at UC Santa Cruz — past our bedtime, but rich.
Plan it together.
Judy designed the application form with college students. They’re the ones who chose “discipleship friendships” over “mentor-mentee.” Discipleship is a two-way street. Eight weeks of one-hour meetups fit their schedule well.
Application form (PDF)
Launch it
Host a kickoff.
Plan an event to kick-start the applications. Ours was an after-service Sunday Swedish pancake meal, with a good showing of young and old.
Expect quiet resistance, and meet it with empathy.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of inadequacy. Fear of not being accepted or liked. Don’t assume a room of eager beavers; offer joyful anticipation, backed by a little structure to guide the conversations. Live testimonies of adults who have experienced meaningful cross-generational relationships will help encourage. These testimonies will be more plentiful after your first successful launch.
Set an application deadline.
Most applications will come in electronically, but allow hard copies too. Set the deadline early enough to leave time to match prayerfully.
Application form (PDF)Match prayerfully.
Pray. We recommend same-gender matches only. Some pairings take shape around times, locations, and transportation; others call for extra spiritual maturity. We had one young applicant who needed a very mature partner and some early intervention.
Engage everyone who signs up.
Aim to include every person who applies. You may need to recruit a few more to keep things balanced.
Announce partners individually.
Introduce each pair by text or email, sharing with permission some of their application detail, then announce a launch event where they can meet in person and coordinate schedules. We tied ours into an existing all-church lunch.
Walk alongside
Give them a structured format.
Provide suggested questions for each session, but stay flexible for where the Lord leads. Discipleship is the goal: Scripture-based, authentically nudging each other forward.
Session format & questions (PDF)Encourage them through the eight weeks.
Some pairs will hit scheduling snags; encourage them not to give up on meeting. We didn’t hear of any friendship that never met, but you won’t bat a thousand on every pairing, and that’s okay.
Celebrate & learn
Hold a capstone event.
Bring the pairs together to share what their discipleship friendship meant to them. Testimonies!
Collect feedback.
Send a short survey to learn how each friendship progressed and how you might improve the experience for future pairings.
Feedback survey (Sample Form)
Keep it going
Encourage pairs to continue.
As God leads, invite pairs to keep meeting beyond the eight weeks. The program can be a catalyst for ongoing discipleship, and it has a graceful off-ramp too.
Run it twice a year.
Our plan is to offer it twice annually, and some pairs will choose to repeat.
Stay alert for more connections.
Keep watching for other intergenerational opportunities, up and down the age ladder. May these friendships spark many more relationships, and many more chances for discipleship.
Templates & resources
The tools we use to run it. Adapt them for your church.
Cheering you on as you build these friendships
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Questions about launching this in your church? Contact us.